As we continue to navigate this pesky pandemic, we turn to our resident funnymen for a moment of levity…and a few good laughs.
When is it appropriate to wear pajamas in public? I say never, my husband says always. Please help.
Erin, my dearest wife, I can’t believe we’re airing this out in a magazine now. The focus should be on defining “in public”. Am I wearing my Lego Batman onesie to another job interview? No. Am I happy rocking my oversize sweatpants and 1999 office team building t-shirt when I’m rolling down Second Street to buy a case of “buck-a-beer”? You’re damn right I am. You know, I remember when flair jeans were cool. No one thought they’d make a comeback. Then BOOM! How do you know I’m not just fashion-forward? Stop writing to Perch mag. We will talk when I get home.
My co-worker won’t stop whistling while he works. I feel like I’m working with one of the Seven Dwarves. Help!
You are working with one of the Seven Dwarves! As an employee of Walt ▩▩▩▩▩ Corp., you are subject to their code of conduct. That contractually obligates you to work peacefully alongside a number of ▩▩▩▩▩ characters, including but not limited to, cast members of the classic film Snow ▩▩▩▩▩ & The Seven ▩▩▩▩▩. If the individual in question (hereafter referred to as Sneezy) chooses to produce a high pitched sound by forcing air through a small opening, in this case, the mouth, then that’s his business. You best mind your own and pray that Sneezy’s crew doesn’t find out you been snitchin’.
My boyfriend has a unibrow. How do I tell him it’s time for deforestation?
Why tell him? Prepare his favourite meal. Then serve him his favourite adult beverage, then another, and another…continue this until he “goes to sleep” Then take the clippers or tweezers out and begin to remove the “Bert from Sesame Street” section of his brow. Then celebrate with YOUR favourite beverage.
My neighbour claims that my cat got his cat pregnant. What should I do?
“Wow, your neighbour sounds like an idiot!” I said to myself (in a sort of high pitched chipmunk voice dressed in my Powder Puff girl PJs). First of all, we all know for a fact that all cats are girls. That’s just science. So what is your neighbour suggesting? That your cat somehow got a hold of some cat sperm and artificially inseminated the other cat? Everyone knows that cat-like aliens use special lasers to make kittens from planet meow. Tell your neighbour to pick up a book sometime!
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